laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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