I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
