I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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