it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
