omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
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It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I party with great urgency now.
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