u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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