You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
