Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
