margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
