hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
