would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
