Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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