So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
