i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
