just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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