Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
