Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
