trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
