I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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