she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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