Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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