y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
