Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
