I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
