i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
