Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
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it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
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I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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