if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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