Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
