so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
