I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
