'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
