When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
