mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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