i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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