First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
