So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
