Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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