Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
