My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
