I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
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