I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
