I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You can't motorboat a personality
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
