Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
