So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize