i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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