We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
