her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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