You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
