ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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