So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
