I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
