yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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