goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
