Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
