Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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