On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
