Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
