if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
